Divorced Christmas? Here’s How We Handle the Co-Parenting Logistics: Schedules, Gifts, and Concerts Galore!

I’m all for mindset, energy, and “doing the inner work” when it comes to healing after divorce (and believe me, there will be lots more on that to come in future posts!), but today, let’s get into some of the practical logistics of divorced Christmases.

Schedules

I know you wish I could tell you exactly how to set up your holiday schedule, just like you wish I could tell you how to structure your co-parenting for the rest of the year. But really, it’s all about finding what works for you. I remember how much I wanted to know what other people were doing when I first started this process; it helped me figure out what felt doable. So, here's how we've done, in case it helps.

Context: We’re 50/50 co-parents now, but for the first couple of years, I was the primary caregiver for our two young kids, who always came back to my house by bedtime.

Here’s a quick rundown of how we’ve handled it each Christmas since we split:

• 2020 (girls were 1 and 3): The kids were mostly with me. The 3-year-old went to her dad’s for a couple of hours on Christmas Day, but the 1-year-old had to quarantine (thanks Covid 🙄), so she and I had Christmas dinner on our own. My co-parent and I kept things completely separate.

• 2021 (ages 2 and 4): By this time we were moving closer to 50/50, but no overnights yet. They were with Dad for Christmas Eve morning, back with me for the rest of the day. On Christmas Day, they spent the morning with me, afternoon with him, and then came back to mine for bedtime. This was the first time I joined them at their dad’s house for a short drink and snacks–all four kids, including my co-parent’s partner’s two children, were there. Boxing Day was their first overnight away from me (I spent it with my best friend’s family so I wouldn’t be alone).

• 2022 (ages 3 and 5): Our first proper year of 50/50 co-parenting. We split the two-week school holiday into bigger chunks, including a 24-hour switch from 2pm Christmas Eve to 2pm Christmas Day so the girls could spend time with each of us. Dad got the Christmas Eve/Christmas morning slot, so I spent Christmas Eve playing board games with a hot guy I’d just started dating and Christmas morning by myself (with chocolate in bed!). No time together with my co-parent that year.

• 2023 (ages 4 and 6): Similar setup to the year before, with school holidays divided between us. Same 24-hour switch from 2pm Christmas Eve to 2pm Christmas Day. Dad got the Christmas Eve/Christmas morning slot again (and I spent that time with my boyfriend doing grown up things!). This time, because of how the school holidays fell, there were a few more back-and-forths, which the girls didn’t love. 

• 2024 (ages 5 and 7): To simplify, we’re changing the pattern so the girls can have longer stretches in each home. This time, they’ll be with me from the start of break until the 27th, then with Dad until school resumes. No 24-hour switch this year; instead, Dad and his partner will come over on Christmas Day to spend a couple of hours with all of us.

You may be glazing over reading this—I get it, my “summarised” version would still be better presented in a spreadsheet!—but for those of you frantically Googling for divorced Christmas schedules, I hope this helps 😚

The biggest takeaway is that it changes.

As time goes on and our lives shift, we adapt, and we’ve done something different every year to suit our needs. It’s also not usually neat-and-tidy blocks of time because although that would be easier on our brains, it just isn’t the way calendars and life has worked out, and that’s ok too. So if you’re figuring this out for the first time, know that you can always tweak it later.

If you have any thoughts or questions about Christmas co-parenting schedules, just shoot me a message or e-mail me and I’m happy to chat more!

Gifts

We don’t coordinate gifts in advance, by choice. If one of us is buying something especially big or significant, we’ll give the other a heads-up, but other than that, it’s a no-pressure, separate-shopping situation.

Pro tip: I opted for this approach because I didn’t want to feel pressure to "match" what my ex was buying or spend equally. By doing what works best for me in my home and letting him do the same, it keeps the holiday stress down for both of us.

Santa does come to both houses though, no matter where the girls are on Christmas morning—he’s good like that! On the years I’ve had the girls until the afternoon of Christmas Eve, we’ve hung our stockings and put out reindeer food and cookies for Santa in the afternoon before they leave for Dad’s, and when they come back the next afternoon, Santa has left more presents here for them.

Christmas Dinner

If your kids will be at both houses on Christmas Day, I highly recommend coordinating meals with your co-parent. We haven’t always done this, and we’ve ended up either giving the kids two Christmas dinners or none at all! Try to plan who’s serving a big meal when so you don’t double-up or leave them feeling like they missed out.

School Concerts and Events

Once your kids are in school, the number of holiday events explodes! With our two, we’re looking at a school Christmas fayre, two concerts, and a nativity (with two showings). We do our best to go together when possible, though sometimes we divide and conquer. My co-parent, his partner, and I sit together, and yes, we’ve even been known to bring each other tea on occasion! 😉

Whatever approach we take, we make it a point to tell the kids in advance who will be at which event so they know what to expect. This way, they know that even if one of us isn’t there for a particular show, they’re loved and supported by all of us.

Final Thoughts

I’m sure there are endless other practicalities around co-parenting at Christmas, but these are a few that stand out for me. If you’re wondering about anything else, drop me a message—I’d be happy to chat more.

And please remember: there’s no “right” way to do this. Figure out what feels best for your family this year. The holidays, like life post-divorce, are often about experimenting to see what works, knowing that there’s room to adjust. There’s no need to worry about being “stuck” with one approach forever.

My top tip:

Try to avoid looking at the holidays as a win/lose between you and your co-parent. It’s not a competition, and neither of you “wins” Christmas! Yes, it’s probably not what either of you wanted or expected. But here you are, so the goal now is to find a solution that sucks the least. And who knows - you might actually find a solution you like! (Not gonna lie, as much as I miss my girls, I’ve also really enjoyed not having to get two over-excited children to sleep on Christmas Eve, and getting to have a lazy Christmas morning breakfast at my own pace!)

You are doing fantastic, and you got this!🎄