Standing in Your Power this Christmas: Co-Parenting with Confidence

One of the foundations of my divorce and intimacy coaching work is “power”—owning your power, standing in your power. But what does that actually mean in the context of co-parenting, especially during highly emotive times like the holiday season? 

With Christmas just around the corner, “owning your power” has been coming up in conversations a lot lately, particularly in the context of family plans, boundaries, and flexibility.

So, what does it look like? Does standing in your power mean standing firm to get everything you want? Or can you still be in your power while letting your co-parent have some of what they want? (Spoiler alert: Yes, you can!)

Let’s dive into this with some examples to illustrate the different ways you can stand in your power this Christmas.

What Does Owning Your Power Mean in Co-Parenting?

Standing in your power doesn’t mean winning every negotiation or refusing to budge on anything. Instead, it’s about honouring your needs without dismissing the needs of others, knowing that flexibility doesn’t equal weakness. 

Here’s how that can play out in some common holiday scenarios.

Example 1: Adjusting the Christmas Schedule

For the past couple years, you’ve followed roughly the same holiday schedule: you take the kids to your parents’ for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and they go with your co-parent on the 26th. 

But this year, your co-parent expresses a desire to swap that around, so they can have the kids for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to participate in a special family tradition.

You’re hesitant because you know your parents really look forward to this time together. But if you agree to make the time swap, are you:

• Giving in to what your co-parent wants and letting them call the shots? (i.e., giving away your power) 

or

• Recognizing that co-parenting is dynamic and allowing this change doesn’t lessen the magic of the season or your relationship with the kids? (i.e., standing in your power)

The answer? It could be either, depending on your motivation and mindset. 

If you make the decision from a place of fear, resentment, or simply to avoid confrontation, it could be giving away your power. 

But if you agree knowing that your own holiday with the kids will still be meaningful and joyful, and you’re making a fair compromise with your co-parent, then it’s a choice made in confidence—a powerful, intentional choice.

Example 2: Extra Time with the Kids

Now let’s say your co-parent asks if you could have the kids for an extra night so they can go out with their mates for a Christmas party. You have several options here:

A) Say no – You have an established schedule that’s there to protect your time; it’s not your job to cover for them because they want to go out

B) Say no – You already have plans you don’t want to cancel

C) Say yes – If you don’t they’re going to be grumpy, and it’s not worth the hassle or conflict

D) Say yes – That way they’ll “owe you one” and have to return the favour in the future

E) Say yes – You’d like to help your co-parent out, it doesn’t ruin anything you had planned, and it’ll be nice to have extra time with the kids

Which is the best choice if you want to own your power? Here’s how it breaks down:

• Digging your heels in for the sake of it (Option A) or keeping score (Option D) are examples of trying to exercise your power over your co-parent—not cool, extremely unhelpful, and ultimately draining. 

• Giving in because you want to avoid hassle (Option C) is giving away your power—also not cool or helpful. 

• Checking in with yourself, deciding if you can help without it being at your expense or sacrificing your needs, and answering from that place (Options B and E)? THAT is standing in your power. 

This choice honours both your needs AND your co-parenting relationship. It is power based on a clear understanding of what serves you and your relationship, not what appeases or undermines anyone else.

Example 3: Holiday Overwhelm—Learning to Say No

Your phone is blowing up with invitations from friends, family, and maybe even your ex’s family. Everyone wants to include you, knowing the holidays as a single parent can feel isolating.

You feel so loved! And… so exhausted.

Standing in your power might look like:

• Checking in with your body when you receive an invitation: Does the idea of going bring a sense of joy, or does it feel heavy and exhausting? Say no if it’s the latter.

• Asking for help – If your friends invite you to a festive day out with the kids but you’re overwhelmed, ask if they can take the kids without you so you can recharge alone.

• Graciously declining – If your ex’s family invites you over because they consider you still part of the family, but right now that feels way too painful (are you supposed to pretend everything is like how it used to be!?) you can say no, but thank you for the invitation and hope to reconnect in a different setting.

• Skipping high-energy outings and instead creating cozy moments at home—hot chocolate, twinkly lights, Christmas movies, a blanket fort. Christmas magic is wherever you make it, whether in the lights in the town or right here in your living room.
  

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Owning Your Power: It’s All About the “Why” and “How”

I hope these examples shed some light on the nuances of “standing in your power” as a co-parent during the holiday season.

Remember, it’s not what you do that determines your power, but the why and how behind it.

Owning your power means respecting your needs while acknowledging others have theirs, too. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself to make other people happy. 

This holiday season, aim to make decisions that align with your values, support your wellbeing, and contribute to the peaceful, joyful co-parenting dynamic you deserve.

You are doing fantastic, and I’m sending you so much love! 🎄❤️