The Divorce Basics I Swear By (and Often Forget Myself)

This morning I woke up in a doom spiral. Before I even opened my eyes I was grumpy, blaming it on someone else, annoyed with the world 😡

But by 10am I felt completely different - buzzing with excitement, completely lit up!

What made the difference? I remembered the basics, my fundamental tools. And most importantly - I actually did them.

These are the exact same tools that got me through the worst of my divorce. They pulled me out of the pit of misery and helped me lead myself through with courage and lightness.

Honestly, these are not rocket science. You’ve likely heard of most, if not all, of them. You may have used some already. Or maybe you've dismissed them because they sound so “basic” you think they can’t possibly help when you’re in the middle of intense heartbreak.

But guess what. They are the fundamentals for a reason: because they actually work.

So don't knock 'em till you try 'em. Put aside any thoughts of "this feels ridiculous" and lean into them. Be open to being surprised.

I often forget their power myself. That’s why I’m writing this — to remind you (and me) that sometimes the simplest practices are the ones that shift the dial the most.

So whether you’re right in the thick of divorce mess, or years down the line, here are the divorce survival basics I swear by:

1. Check in with your basic bodily needs

   Are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you need to sleep? This morning I asked myself “what do I need first, right this minute?” and the answer was resounding “FOOD!” So I started with breakfast. Fuel for your body = fuel for your mood.

2. Movement

   Move. Your. Body. It really doesn't matter how.

   • Go for a walk. Remember those daily walks during Covid lockdowns and how they kept us sane? That still applies.

   • Do yoga (YouTube is brilliant — my favourite is Yoga with Kassandra).

   • Boxing. Kitchen dance party. Whatever works — just move.

3. Meditation — Honestly, game changer.

   • If you have an established meditation practice, brill. Go do your thing.

   • If not, don’t overthink it. Start with a 10-minute guided meditation on YouTube, Spotify, or an app like Insight Timer (free) or Calm (paid, but worth it - I’ve used it since the early days of my divorce. On the home screen every day there’s a new 10 minute meditation, so no thought required - I just click on that and get started.)

4. Gratitude lists

   Grab a piece of paper and write a list of what you’re grateful for. You can either do this generally, so thinking broadly about your life and what you’re grateful for. Or if you’re particularly worked up about a specific thing, focus your gratitude there.

   In the darkest days of my separation, I wrote gratitude lists about everything — including my ex and the “other woman.” It felt impossible at first, but digging deep for even the tiniest things I could be grateful for shifted the heaviness. Gratitude softens anger and opens space for healing. The more impossible you think that might sound, the more I suggest you give it a try. Dig deep.

5. Journalling

   People (my mom) kept telling me to journal through my divorce, and I brushed it aside, thinking I already knew what was going on in my head and life, I didn’t need to write it down. I was wrong. Journaling has become one of my most powerful tools.

   I dump it all on the page, and it starts to lose its power over me. Getting it out of my head and onto paper is the BEST thing. It doesn’t have to make sense. You don’t have to edit your thoughts. You can burn it or shred it when you’re done if you want. But grab some paper and write down whatever you’re thinking, feeling, struggling with, and pour it out.

6. Essential oils

   I love anchoring with scent. These are some of my favourites, but there are oils for basically anything:

   • Frankincense — helps regulate emotions (a drop or two on the crown of my head).

   • Grounding* — makes me feel steady (a drop on the sole of each foot).

   • Joy* — opens me up to more love and joy (rubbed on my heart).

   • Thieves* — cosy, safe, protective (a few drops in a diffuser).

     *YoungLiving blends

     Play around though; you can't really go wrong!

7. Affirmations  

   Short, positive statements to remind myself what I want to feel, believe, remember. I stick them on Post-its around the house and car! Some of my favourites:

   • “I focus on what I can control and let go of what I can’t.”

   • “I can’t rush the process. One day at a time.”

   • “I am strong, capable, happy, and free.”

The bottom line

None of these tools instantly “fix” everything. But stacked up, repeated, and chosen with intention — they do change the dial. 

Give them a real shot. Not necessarily all of them, all at once. But pick one or two or three that jump out at you, and try them at least a few times.

Yes, I forget them sometimes. But on mornings like today, when I go back to them, I’m reminded why they matter. They carried me through my first year post-separation, and they still ground me now.

If you’re in the thick of divorce and feel like everything’s too much, these basics are where we start. And from there, we can go deeper.