How to Handle Post-Divorce Loneliness: 3 Ways to Turn Alone Time Into Growth

The loneliness after divorce can hit like a tidal wave—suffocating, unrelenting, and all-consuming. When you’re in the thick of it, it feels endless.

Trust me, I’ve been there.

Sitting in an empty house—or with the kids asleep upstairs—wondering, “How the hell did I get here?” Feeling invisible, disconnected, and completely alone.

Holidays can crank that loneliness dial up to eleven. You might have time off work, normal activities are paused, friends disappear into their family traditions, and your family may have suddenly shrunk. I’m an American living in England and my family is an ocean away. My in-laws used to be my family here, but after our divorce, I lost them too. 

So, come Christmas (and more specifically, Twixmas), all I had was time—long, daunting stretches of it.

If this is where you are right now, I see you. You’re not alone, no matter how it feels.

Here’s the truth: loneliness won’t kill you.

But it can transform you.

Loneliness Doesn’t Have to Break You

The biggest gift you can give yourself in this season is learning to sit with you.

Yes, it’s tempting to numb out and just try to get through the time with distractions—with Netflix, wine, chocolate, or scrolling. No judgment if that’s where you are. I get it.

But the fact that you’re here means you’re searching for something more. A different way to handle this loneliness. You’re ready to face it with courage, curiosity, and maybe even hope. And for that, 

I applaud you loudly and enthusiastically 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I’m not here to overwhelm you with tons of tips (because let’s be honest, the more ideas I give you, the less likely you are to do them, amiright?). Instead, I’ve got three doable ideas for you. Do one, two, or all three—whatever feels right for you.

The goal isn’t perfection; it’s progress.

1. Join Someone Else’s Fun

Okay, this might feel awkward, but hear me out: invite yourself in.

Yes, really. Even your closest people might not think to invite you, not because they don’t care or love you, but because they’re caught up thinking about their own stuff or assume you already have plans. So don’t wait for an invitation—create one.

• Ask a friend if you can stop by for a cup of tea or board games while their kids play.

• Join them for their New Year’s Day walk or brunch.

• Offer to babysit while they enjoy a night out—connection and bonus friend points!

Pushing through the awkwardness is worth it. You’re not a burden. People want to share their joy with you—you just need to let them.

Why This Works:

Humans are wired for connection. Spending even casual time with others boosts oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”) and reduces feelings of isolation. Plus, taking the initiative strengthens your confidence and reminds you that you’re part of a community—even if your family structure has changed.

2. Write from Your Future Self

This might sound woo-woo, but trust me—it’s powerful. It’s not just a distraction; it’s a way to connect with hope and a life beyond this moment.

Here are two ways to approach it—pick whichever one feels right:

Option 1: Future Journaling

Write today’s date, but set it 20 years in the future (e.g., December 30, 2044).

Pretend you’re living that future life. What’s happening? Who’s with you? What have you created, achieved, or experienced? Write it as if it’s real and happening now.

Example:

30th December, 2044

Wow. Just wow. We just got home from the most incredible holiday in Italy with my sexy husband and my “kids” (I still cannot believe they’re 25 and 27 already!!). I don’t see them as much as I’d like anymore as they’re off creating their own dream lives, but I’m so damn proud of who they are and the connection we still have. And oof—my marriage! Honestly, it just keeps getting better and better. I thought when people turned into “old married couples” they didn’t have good sex anymore, but we are absolutely proving that wrong!...

Option 2: A Letter from Future You

Imagine yourself 20 years from now, writing a letter to today’s you. What wisdom would they share? What challenges have they overcome that you’re facing right now?

Example:

Dear Lindsey,

My love, I have so much I want to tell you! So many things have happened that you won’t even believe; things you aren’t even dreaming of yet, but will absolutely blow your mind. I can’t tell you all the details, but the main thing I want to tell you is this - get ready to be blown away, in the very best possible ways. Open yourself up to everything that is coming. I know things feel so hard right now, but there is more love, more happiness, more expansion, more joy. You haven’t even scratched the surface yet my love!...

Why This Works:

Writing from your future self uses self-distancing, a proven way to reduce overwhelm and help you process emotions more clearly. It also activates your brain’s imagination network, boosting dopamine (the “motivation” hormone) and building hope for what’s ahead. Studies show that connecting with your future self strengthens resilience, enhances decision-making, and reinforces confidence by making your dreams feel achievable. In short, it helps you shift from feeling stuck to seeing possibilities.

3. Take Yourself on a Date

Instead of waiting for connection with others, create it with yourself. Intimacy starts with self-intimacy, after all.

Ask yourself: What would feel good today? Then go do it.

Need inspiration? Here are some of my favorite self-dates:

• Dress up and take yourself to your favorite restaurant for a three-course treat.

• Visit a Turkish bath or spa and soak in the peace.

• Go see live music. (The music hits differently when you’re solo.)

• Cozy up in a pub with a roaring fire, a good book, or your journal.

• Head to the cinema—complete with a giant popcorn, just for you.

These small acts of self-love remind you that you’re worth the effort. Bonus: People might even comment on your peaceful vibe—strangers have frequently told me how serene I looked journaling alone in a pub!

Why This Works:

Self-dates help you reclaim independence and prove to yourself that you’re enough as you are. Doing something enjoyable releases dopamine (the “pleasure hormone”), while stepping out of your comfort zone builds self-trust. Treating yourself like someone you love strengthens self-worth and rewires your brain to associate solo time with joy—not loneliness.

Final Thoughts

Loneliness is heavy, and it’s okay to feel it. But when you’re ready, take one small step forward.

Whether it’s reaching out to a friend, writing from your future self, or treating yourself to a special moment, you’re showing yourself that you matter.

The holidays might not look like they used to, but different doesn’t have to mean worse. It’s a new chapter, and you’re the one holding the pen.

Which of these will you try? Let me know—I’m rooting for you. 💛