Feeling Furious During Co-Parenting Negotiations? Here’s How to Handle Your Emotions and Find Common Ground

So, you're trying to negotiate a co-parenting schedule with your ex...

And you're absolutely livid.
You can barely see straight.

All you want to do is:

• Let them know exactly how you feel about their parenting choices (spoiler: not good!)

• Dig your heels in and demand the schedule you want

• Deny them extra time with the kids because of everything they’ve put you through

I get it. I really do. (I can remember the exact seat I was sitting in the café when we went through this ourselves...)

But losing your cool doesn’t help the kids—and it doesn’t help you either.

And co-parenting isn’t about winning. It’s about creating something that works.

So what do you do when you're furious, but still need to get through the conversation?

1. Take a Timeout

If you feel like you’re about to blow, pause.
Let your co-parent know you need a moment, and step away if you can.

Find a quiet spot—another room, the hallway, a bathroom.
Breathe. Re-center. You’re allowed to take a break.

2. Move That Anger Through You

Anger is energy—it needs somewhere to go.
Try moving it through your body with one of these:

• Stamp your feet or jump in place

• Shake out your arms like you’re flinging the tension away

• Tense up your whole body, hold your breath, then exhale forcefully

• Do slow shoulder rolls or big arm circles

• Yell into a pillow if you need to (seriously)
  

This isn’t silly—it’s somatic. It helps.

3. Use Your Breath to Regulate

Your nervous system is on high alert. Breathing helps bring it back down.

Try box breathing:

• Inhale for 4 counts

• Hold for 4

• Exhale for 4

• Hold for 4

• Repeat 5 rounds

(I count rounds on my fingers because counting seconds and rounds at the same time? Not happening 😅)

4. Shift the Focus Back to the Kids

Remember: this isn’t about you and your ex anymore. It’s about what your kids need from both of you.

Ask yourself:

• Do they deserve quality time with both parents?

• Do they need consistency for their sports, school, or routines?

• Would longer stretches in each home help them settle?

You don’t have to agree on every detail. But staying anchored in your kids’ needs helps you find common ground.

5. Find Pleasure in the Moment

This might sound strange, but it works.

Find 3 things around you that bring you pleasure, right now.

• The softness of your jumper

• A cup of tea in your favourite mug

• A picture on the wall that makes you smile

• The flicker of a candle

Pleasure grounds you. It reminds your nervous system you’re safe. That you can handle this.

6. Rejoin the Conversation—Regulated

Once you’ve moved the energy, calmed your breath, and re-centered, you’re ready to go back in.

Still firm. Still clear.
But calmer.

Negotiating from a place of regulation isn’t about giving in.
It’s about protecting your peace—and showing up in a way you can be proud of.

You Did It!

You didn’t let the anger take over.
You didn’t ignore it either.
You felt it. You moved it. You processed it. You stayed with yourself.

That’s the work.
That’s how things get better.

You’re doing it—for yourself, your kids, and your co-parenting relationship.

And I’m so damn proud of you!

P.S. If this was helpful, please subscribe to my blog updates to make sure you get my latest blog updates as they are published. I’m here to help you move through divorce, dating, and co-parenting with pleasure, power, and joy!