My Husband Just Asked for a Divorce! Now What the F*ck Do I Do?!

When your husband looks you in the eye and drops the D-word—divorce—what do you do?

A) Freeze, because suddenly your brain has no clue how to process what’s happening.

B) Reply to your neighbour's casual “How are you?” with a panicked scream: “MY HUSBAND WANTS A DIVORCE!” before running inside and slamming the door.

C) Cry through the entire baby massage class with your newborn on your lap (because, of course, this happened on the first day of our new class).

D) All of the above.

Or is that just me?

(No, seriously, I did all of those things the day our therapist said it was obvious my husband wanted a divorce. It was a DAY.)

Maybe your reaction was different from mine. (Probably! 😂)

But I’m guessing at some point you had that “Wait, what the actual f*ck do I do now?!” moment. And trust me, I get it. That punch-to-the-gut feeling is real.

Whether you saw this coming or it hit you out of the blue, your nervous system likely went into overdrive, triggering one of those super-fun trauma responses:

• Fight – Good! You’re a shitty husband anyway, thank God it’s finally over!

• Flight – I’m not doing this. Nope. *walks straight out the door*

• Freeze – *deer in headlights*

• Fawn – No, no please, we can fix this! I’ll change, I promise!

All of this is totally normal and expected. AND…it’s not the way to move forward.

So, what can you do?

Read on, my friend, I got you:

Step 1: Regulate Your Nervous System

Before you make any decisions, call a lawyer, or start texting all your friends, pause. You need to calm your nervous system first—re-regulate—because right now your body is reacting like it’s under attack.

Here's how to start:

1. Breathe

If you already have a breathwork practice, now’s the time to use it. If not, start simple:

• Take five deep belly breaths.
  Inhale through your nose, feel the air fill your belly (it literally moves out), then exhale slowly through your nose.
  Feel the ground beneath you.
  Repeat five times.

• For an extra calming effect, try "box breathing". Here’s a short video explanation.

2. Let Your Emotions Move Through You

Whatever you’re feeling right now—anger, sadness, fear, confusion—feel it.

Get yourself to a safe place (alone or with someone supportive), and let it out. Power cry (the more empowered version of “ugly cry”), scream into a pillow, punch the air, stomp your feet, swear like you’ve never sworn before—just move that emotion through you.

Trust me, bottling it up is not going to help.

3. Move Your Body

After the emotional storm, get physical.

Run, box, dance, shake, push against the wall—whatever helps release those feelings. Your body has just been hit with a cocktail of stress hormones, and movement can help metabolize those chemicals. Listen to your body and give her what she needs.

Step 2: You Don’t Need to Do Anything Else Today

And I mean anything. You don’t need to DO anything. You don’t need to make any decisions. You don’t need to be any certain way, react any certain way, tell anyone, etc. Not today. Today is about getting through the shock.

Give yourself permission to not have answers. It’s okay to not know what comes next—because honestly, who does? Divorce is overwhelming, and you’re allowed to take a beat. Please take a beat.

Let yourself have this time to process.

Put yourself to bed at the end of the day and remind yourself that tomorrow is another day. You’ll figure it out, one step at a time, even though right now it feels impossible.

Step 3: Remember, You’re Not Alone

Divorce is a long process, and this is just the first step of a big journey. It’s okay to feel lost, scared, or unsure of what’s next. But you’re not alone in this, and you don’t have to navigate it by yourself.

Lean on your support system—whether that’s friends, family, a therapist, or a coach (hey, that’s me!). Find people who can hold space for you without judgment and remind you of your own strength when you forget.

You’re stronger than you think, and you can handle whatever comes next. One day at a time.

Step 4: When You’re Ready, Let’s Talk About Next Steps

You don’t have to figure out your entire life right now, but when you’re ready, it helps to have a plan.

There are financial considerations, co-parenting arrangements, all the legal stuff, and of course, emotional support to think about.

But those come later. For now, just know that there are resources and professionals who can guide you through it all without adding extra stress to your plate (I know lots of great people in this space, primarily in England, if you need recommendations).

Remember....

I am sending you SO much love.

You’ve got this, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. And if you need someone in your corner, I’m here for you.

Let’s take it one step at a time, together.

P.S. My next blog post will be about next steps, once this initial shock has passed. Don't worry, I won't just leave you hanging here for long! And if you can't wait for the next post and need help with the next steps now—get in touch! We can work out the start of your own, personal roadmap.