Seven Years After Divorce, and Sometimes It Still Hurts

It was my youngest daughter's birthday this week. And my kids' birthdays are, honestly, a bit bittersweet for me. A bit triggering in some ways. And this one was no different.

Let's look at the complicated mash-up that surfaces for me:

• There's the standard pressure to make the kid's day magical. To meet their ever-increasing expectations of the day. Now, my kids are quite different, and whilst the oldest is basically impossible to please on big occasions, my youngest is actually generally pretty excited about life and I managed to make her day awesome. But there is so much "unseen labour" that goes into that, and of course, I'm doing it all on my own!

• Then there's the time with my co-parent. Whilst we see each other regularly, it's usually just a few minutes at a time, and the girls' birthdays are generally the longest stretch of time he and I spend together. My mantra of "we're friendly, not friends" still applies all these years later (we're nearly 7 years post-breakup at the time of writing this), and so yes, we get along just fine at these events, but it's not my favourite. Let's just say it's a nice reminder that while getting divorced was awful, I'm also so very glad we're not still married! I'll leave it at that 😘

• And. Maybe the hardest part to admit out loud. Jealousy and loneliness. Because these parties are not only spending time with my co-parent, but also his partner. And ever since the very beginning of this journey, they've been a team. And then there's me. Every birthday party feels like this in-my-face-reminder of "there's two of them and one of me". And whilst I'm over here smashing single-mum-life, sometimes that loneliness wave crashes over me, and honestly, it's hard. I watch them at the parties and think how much I would like someone on Team Lindsey, to be there for me both logistically and emotionally.

Throw in a bit of grief over what I imagined family life would be like (not this), a lot of pride about how we've navigated this so far - both as co-parents and my own side of things - and disbelief about the incredible children we are raising... Oh, and the fact that things got really messy in our marriage surrounding the birth of our youngest, so her birthday in particular brings up flashbacks to that time, all those years ago.

And you can see - birthdays can be a lot! 🙈

Quite honestly, I'm not sure there's much point to this blog post other than to share the real-life complications of divorce, even seven years down the line.

This is all SO much easier to navigate now than it was in the earlier years. But that doesn't mean the complicated feelings disappear completely.

And maybe that's the point.

You can be doing really well, be very happy in the life you've built, and still find some days really hard. Both things can be true.

So if you're navigating any of these complicated emotions, or whatever your own personal blend may be, you're not alone in it.

And I promise you, you got this!

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